Questions to ask in a marriage
Them that made them at the begining made them both male and female, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother , and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man seperate. Matthew 19:4-6
As I came home from work each night this week, I truly realized how blessed I was to have married a good woman of God. It's been a rough week, and Carmen was there every step of the way to support and love me. As I thought about how lucky I was, I also realized that it was because we both have the same belief system. We both believe that Jesus Christ is our lord and saviour.
Thinking about that made me want to ask a question to my readers. The same question is equally important to people who are looking to get married, engaged, married, or having marital problem.
1. Are You Both Married to Jesus Christ?
This question pertains to the most important aspect of your relationship—the spiritual. If you or your date does not know Jesus as the primary Source of love, then you'll try to manipulate love from one another. Depending on performance-based human love is like eating chocolate—it may taste good, but it can't satisfy you. Your heart needs more than romantic affection to survive; it needs unconditional love, which can only be found in Jesus Christ. It's best to marry someone who understands that he or she is married to Jesus and realizes the importance of depending on Him for fulfillment.
You'll struggle to find this kind of person, but, if you believe that you can enjoy true intimacy with a non-Christian. Many Christian singles make this mistake in dating and short-change themselves. Let me explain why.
As Christians, my wife Carmen and I are united in Jesus Christ. This means that the same Jesus who lives within me also lives within Carmen. Therefore, He can help us love one another more deeply. Jesus can love Carmen by desiring to do so through me, sometimes without her having to say anything.
I don’t have to struggle on my own to be a good husband to Carmen. I can rest and allow Jesus to love her through me. Since He lives within both of us, He knows when she's tired or frustrated and can prompt me to encourage her. Likewise, He can inspire Carmen to support me when I need encouragement. This kind of supernatural love creates a bond stronger than that of any non-Christian married couple.
Let me clarify that our marriage bond in Christ doesn't give Carmen and me some sort of spiritual voodoo. We can't read each other’s thoughts. But as we respond to the desires that Jesus puts within our hearts, He leads us to love one another in the best manner. This creates real intimacy. Joined together in Christ, Ashley and I share the same wish to glorify God, the same joys and sorrows, and the same Source of love—we are one (Ephesians 5:31-32).
If you join yourself to an unbeliever, you'll be incapable of sharing real intimacy. Are you free to date a non-Christian? Yes, but the Bible states that it is not profitable (1 Corinthians 10:23). God views believers and unbelievers as opposites who have no potential for a deep union (2 Corinthians 6:14; 1 Corinthians 7:39).
Can a Christian get along with an unbeliever and have fun dating him or her? Sure. In fact, some non-Christians exhibit just as much honesty and sensitivity as some Christians do. However, if you marry an unbeliever, he or she will generally have a larger influence on the direction of your relationship.
I compare dating a non-Christian to mountain climbing and rappelling. Imagine that a Christian woman stands at the top of a mountain, and an unbelieving man stands at the bottom. If the unbelieving man wants to join her, he must decide on his own to make the journey up. The woman can't pull the man up with her own strength or force him to climb. Should the man not want to climb the mountain, the woman will remain at the top by herself. Likewise, if the woman wants to be with the man, she will feel tempted to rappel down to his level. Otherwise, they could try to meet halfway, but then they would hang uncomfortably off the side of the mountain.
Using romance to coax a non-Christian to climb up to your spiritual level is unhealthy. Some call it “missionary dating,” which is the process of trying to convert an unbeliever while dating him or her. Though evangelistic affection may sound noble, the idea is flawed in several ways.
1. A Christian can't overpower a non-Christian’s free will and force him or her to accept Christ.
2. An unbeliever might fake a conversion simply to gain your acceptance.
3. New Christians don't automatically have character or spiritual maturity.
4. A non-Christian cannot meet your need for love or security.
If you try to convert someone to Christ just so you can date and marry him or her, you cloud that person’s spiritual decision with human romance. In addition, if someone professes faith in Christ solely so that he or she can date you, the person probably is not a Christian. A person becomes a Christian when he or she genuinely asks forgiveness for sin and accepts Christ as Lord of his or her life. Even if you lead someone to accept Christ, he or she may need years to develop the maturity necessary for sacrificial love in marriage.
If you date an unbeliever (or even an immature Christian), you'll usually assume the role of spiritual parent. You become that person’s connection to God, and he or she can improperly cling to you for spiritual direction and maturity. Therefore, your dating relationship becomes an unhealthy parent-child situation. Since you can’t improve another person’s character, the two of you will remain on unequal levels. For Christians and non- Christians, reliance on each other prevents you from learning to rely on Christ.
Spiritually disinterested singles can seem fun to date. Yet if you marry someone who doesn’t love Jesus, you will limit your opportunity to share oneness. Instead, seek to date and marry a mature Christian single who embraces his or her spiritual marriage to Jesus. Then you will have a partner who can participate in divine intimacy with you.
Praying for peace in your marriage,
Pastor Mike
As I came home from work each night this week, I truly realized how blessed I was to have married a good woman of God. It's been a rough week, and Carmen was there every step of the way to support and love me. As I thought about how lucky I was, I also realized that it was because we both have the same belief system. We both believe that Jesus Christ is our lord and saviour.
Thinking about that made me want to ask a question to my readers. The same question is equally important to people who are looking to get married, engaged, married, or having marital problem.
1. Are You Both Married to Jesus Christ?
This question pertains to the most important aspect of your relationship—the spiritual. If you or your date does not know Jesus as the primary Source of love, then you'll try to manipulate love from one another. Depending on performance-based human love is like eating chocolate—it may taste good, but it can't satisfy you. Your heart needs more than romantic affection to survive; it needs unconditional love, which can only be found in Jesus Christ. It's best to marry someone who understands that he or she is married to Jesus and realizes the importance of depending on Him for fulfillment.
You'll struggle to find this kind of person, but, if you believe that you can enjoy true intimacy with a non-Christian. Many Christian singles make this mistake in dating and short-change themselves. Let me explain why.
As Christians, my wife Carmen and I are united in Jesus Christ. This means that the same Jesus who lives within me also lives within Carmen. Therefore, He can help us love one another more deeply. Jesus can love Carmen by desiring to do so through me, sometimes without her having to say anything.
I don’t have to struggle on my own to be a good husband to Carmen. I can rest and allow Jesus to love her through me. Since He lives within both of us, He knows when she's tired or frustrated and can prompt me to encourage her. Likewise, He can inspire Carmen to support me when I need encouragement. This kind of supernatural love creates a bond stronger than that of any non-Christian married couple.
Let me clarify that our marriage bond in Christ doesn't give Carmen and me some sort of spiritual voodoo. We can't read each other’s thoughts. But as we respond to the desires that Jesus puts within our hearts, He leads us to love one another in the best manner. This creates real intimacy. Joined together in Christ, Ashley and I share the same wish to glorify God, the same joys and sorrows, and the same Source of love—we are one (Ephesians 5:31-32).
If you join yourself to an unbeliever, you'll be incapable of sharing real intimacy. Are you free to date a non-Christian? Yes, but the Bible states that it is not profitable (1 Corinthians 10:23). God views believers and unbelievers as opposites who have no potential for a deep union (2 Corinthians 6:14; 1 Corinthians 7:39).
Can a Christian get along with an unbeliever and have fun dating him or her? Sure. In fact, some non-Christians exhibit just as much honesty and sensitivity as some Christians do. However, if you marry an unbeliever, he or she will generally have a larger influence on the direction of your relationship.
I compare dating a non-Christian to mountain climbing and rappelling. Imagine that a Christian woman stands at the top of a mountain, and an unbelieving man stands at the bottom. If the unbelieving man wants to join her, he must decide on his own to make the journey up. The woman can't pull the man up with her own strength or force him to climb. Should the man not want to climb the mountain, the woman will remain at the top by herself. Likewise, if the woman wants to be with the man, she will feel tempted to rappel down to his level. Otherwise, they could try to meet halfway, but then they would hang uncomfortably off the side of the mountain.
Using romance to coax a non-Christian to climb up to your spiritual level is unhealthy. Some call it “missionary dating,” which is the process of trying to convert an unbeliever while dating him or her. Though evangelistic affection may sound noble, the idea is flawed in several ways.
1. A Christian can't overpower a non-Christian’s free will and force him or her to accept Christ.
2. An unbeliever might fake a conversion simply to gain your acceptance.
3. New Christians don't automatically have character or spiritual maturity.
4. A non-Christian cannot meet your need for love or security.
If you try to convert someone to Christ just so you can date and marry him or her, you cloud that person’s spiritual decision with human romance. In addition, if someone professes faith in Christ solely so that he or she can date you, the person probably is not a Christian. A person becomes a Christian when he or she genuinely asks forgiveness for sin and accepts Christ as Lord of his or her life. Even if you lead someone to accept Christ, he or she may need years to develop the maturity necessary for sacrificial love in marriage.
If you date an unbeliever (or even an immature Christian), you'll usually assume the role of spiritual parent. You become that person’s connection to God, and he or she can improperly cling to you for spiritual direction and maturity. Therefore, your dating relationship becomes an unhealthy parent-child situation. Since you can’t improve another person’s character, the two of you will remain on unequal levels. For Christians and non- Christians, reliance on each other prevents you from learning to rely on Christ.
Spiritually disinterested singles can seem fun to date. Yet if you marry someone who doesn’t love Jesus, you will limit your opportunity to share oneness. Instead, seek to date and marry a mature Christian single who embraces his or her spiritual marriage to Jesus. Then you will have a partner who can participate in divine intimacy with you.
Praying for peace in your marriage,
Pastor Mike
posted by Mike Sanderson @ 12:00 PM
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